i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
worst night to have a conscience
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
