i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
