the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dicks are not precious.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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