so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
