i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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