babies were throwing up all over the place
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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