hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
