I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
