I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
