How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
