I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
