JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
