i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
