Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
