I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
