Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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