im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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