i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Randomize
