I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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