Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
