We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
