would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dignity is for republicans.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize