I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
