You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
