Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
