He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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