Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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