As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
