why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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