Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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