I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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