Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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