I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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