So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
