Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
