you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
