He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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