I just pynch a tree in the face
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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