yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
