Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
