you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
