so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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