Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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