Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
