At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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