I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
