well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
