i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
