Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
