like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
