Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
