Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please don't give away my fajitas
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
