I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
