I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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