I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
