I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
