Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am one with the molecules
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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