he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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