she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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