Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
