i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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