will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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