dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
