I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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