I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize