just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
