Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
