She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
