my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
