my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
