if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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