i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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