1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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