Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
