Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
