The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
