All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ttyl tear gas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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