his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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