i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
