Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
