So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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