He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
